Volume 14: Pete back in Europe part 4
Day 7 - Edinburgh
Today was an odd day in that I felt I didn’t really see or do anything, but walked over 18,000 steps/10km to achieve that.
My first point of order was to figure out how to get the tram to airport as I was flying out to Copenhagen in a few days time. It’s weird that I feel most comfortable when I know how to escape a city, its like I’m doing a heist and need a qualified get away driver to relax in a new town. The tram was easy to find at St Andrews square, so now I had an escape plan for the heist.
I headed back into the old town where I stumbled by chance into Greyfriars funeral grounds through what I’d call the back entrance, home of the Greyfriar Bobby grave and people who were born before Captain Cook “discovered” Australia.
It’s interesting to see how people are remembers. A D Paetterson had died in 1801 with the tombstone reading “A Loving and Conscientious Wife, An Affectionate Mother, And a Steady Friend”. To me the “steady friend” didn’t really stick out as a compliment. She was “steady”; read she was mostly punctual but I wouldn’t lend her more than 10 pounds as you might not see it back. “Loyal” to me is a better compliment
Further along I saw tombstone which was marked with “MIS JANET ANNE BARRON OR HEDRICH OR BARTHOLOMEW”. She clearly had no steady friends as no one could remember her last name.
I eventually found my way to the Greyfriars Bobby grave. 'Bobby' was the name of
a Skye Terrier who belonged to John Gray, a night watchman for the Edinburgh Police.
The two were inseparable. However, in 1858, Gray died of tuberculosis. He was buried in Greyfriars Kirkyard. Bobby, who survived John Gray by 14 years, is said to have spent the rest of his life sitting on his master's grave. Now, a few things don’t quite add up here. Was John Gray’s body odour so pungent that a dog could smell it from under 6 feet of dirt inside a casket? And the tale goes “isn’t it miraculous a dog would be faithful to say at the grave for 14 years?”. Until you read the gardener and keeper at Greyfriars ensured the dog was always fed and a shelter built. This dog is only loyal to its belly! Of course it’s going to hang around if it’s being constantly fed.
From that group of dead people, I eventually found myself at The Parish of St Cuthbert, looking at even more dead people as I looked for a fabled path into the New Town. The fabled path was via the Parish and then up through Princes street park.
Walking through New Town proves thirsty work so I stopped for a pint at the Rose street Brewery. I was initially sitting outside, but when the rain came I decided to head inside until it cleared. Inside I got talking with an old timer with a thick Scottish accent meaning I could only understand 10% of whatever he said. Or as he would say “canno understand ya lad”. He said I should go to Alexander Graham Bell for £2.59 pints & historic photos. I said “oh, the bloke who invented the phone” & he said “yeah or TV or something like that”. As for the bar staff, I got talking to some 20 something hipster doofus behind the bar who was studying games development and who also had ADD. I don’t know much about ADD, but from this experience I’d say it’s not conducive to being able to pull a beer that doesn’t have 9 inches of head. He also had a weird subliminal habit of what looked like trying to milk the top of the beer tap handles. He talked up his love of things retro, but to me carrying 300 cassettes versus carrying a single little computer that can hold the contents of those 300 cassettes is far more convenient. I wonder when the motorcar begun it’s uptake in the early 20th century people talked up their love of the retro horse and cart? “You can keep your motorcar, far too fast and convenient. Give me the slow & steady pace coupled with the smell of a horses ass any day of the week”. The barmen had also had trouble sleeping in this 17 degree morning “heat”.
I finished my 4th pint at the Rose street brewery and took the old Scotsmen’s advice to have 1 at the Alexander Graham Bell. Never listen to an old timer who drinks before noon. This pub was a Whetherspoons classic. I was the youngest in there by about 30 years & felt if I did a Braveheart type speech they would follow this young fella into battle…or just say they can’t afford to risk their dodgy hips and will sit this one out.
Inside the pub I was only getting 3G on my phone, surely William Wallace was getting faster speeds than this in his time? Given the age of the patrons in the pub, I daresay they are of that vintage where they simply use their phone to make calls (crazy I know) so would never notice only getting 3G.
I was wee bit tipsy and hungry as I exited the pub so went to KFC. There was no chicken salt on the chips! Is Australia hoarding chicken salt? How has this not been exported worldwide?
I finished the night at the White Hart Inn in Grassmarket where I was initially in an Ocean’s 11 heist planning stage of how to steal one of their bar mats (the exit strategy earlier in the day might come into use tonight). Instead I was distracted by a local musician singing 500 miles. Hearing a Proclaimers song live in Scotland; What a moment! He was also a charming young fellow and talked between songs saying “I’ll play anywhere, weddings, funerals…your 2nd funeral“. He also took requests, but sadly didn’t know how to play Down under. I remained in the pub until closing time, singing along with the songs and talking nonsense with a German couple who had been to Melbourne a few years earlier. The German chick played guitar, so I told her she could pay for their weekend between sets as the musician had left his guitar unguarded, but she did not appreciate that as a great idea
I’d only dropped like 10 quid of my 80 quid in currency before getting to Edinburgh, paying for everything using Apple Pay, so dropped £30 in the musicians tip jar as I’d had a great night.
Day 8 - Edinburgh
It was a struggle to get out of bed and the hotel today as I figured I probably had 12 pints across the day before. The world was spinning as was my head. It didn’t help that some drunk mates in Australia called me at 4:30am to let me know the Warriors had one the NBA title, so my sleep was disturbed and nothing short of awful.
The first and only stop today would be the Edinburgh Castle. A tremendous engineering feat dating back to the 12th century standing upon the appropriately named Castle Rock, whose initial purpose was to keep people out but to my annoyance now let’s large crowds of people in. If you buy your ticket online they give you a half hour window to enter, so it seems everyone in Scotland had chosen 12:30pm to 1pm today.
As you enter the castle, now only defended by a young woman with a ticket scanner, you make your way higher again where it’s quite possible another defence property was the wind would blow enemies off the castle. If we were playing football today, I would’ve kicked to the Old Town end with a 10 goal breeze.
Inside one of the museums I watched a video on history of Scottish military. When the video reached WWII era, a bunch of people left. Fair to assume they were Germans.
As I ventured on this inscription about the end of WWI caught by eye:
Hostilities will cease at 11.00 on
November 1lth. Troops will stand fast
On the line reached at that hour which
will be reported by wire to G.HI.Q.
Defensive preparations will be maintained.
There will be no intercourse of any
description with the enemy
until receipt of instructions from G.H.Q.
From the order received by 5th Battalion
Argyll and Sutherland Highlanders
So read “no one is to fuck the former enemies women no matter how horny the last 4 years of fighting have made you until signed off by GHQ”. Does that mean you could get court martialled for getting it on without GHQ signing off? Tough break.
As I wandered on I learned that the castle had also been used to detain prisoners, including those determined to be pirates (natural reaction is for your internal monologue to go “Arrrrrggh!”). Here’s what each prisoner received as a daily ration:
2 pints (1100 mm) of beer
1 1/2 pounds (680 g) of bread
3/4 pound (340 g) of beef
1/2 pint (280 mm) of pease every other day
1/4 pound (110 g) of butter and 6 ounces (170 g) of cheese instead of beef on Saturdays
So essentially start your day with a pint & some toast. Didn’t say whether the bread was sliced, oh the cruelties of being a prisoner in Edinburgh Castle. Imagine trying to make a toasted cheese sandwich with your Saturday ration of cheese with a loaf of bread that hasn’t been sliced? Cruel treatment.
I managed to see every museum in the castle which was quite the challenge given my head was still spinning from the night before.
When I left the castle I gave into my bodies demands and crashed back at the hotel watching Warriors post game interviews and highlights.
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